Restaurant Reviews

• Shawn: When people review restaurants they say the stupidest stuff, haha
• Me: They sure do, "my waiter had a booger"
• Shawn: Like I care if someone was rude to you, was the food good?
• Me: Seriously. Most amazon reviews are like that: "the box came late," "I can't figure out how to hook this up," 1 star. Idiots
• Shawn: That or the know it alls: "I usually eat at several 3 star michelin restaurants, but this place was all right." Nobody cares guy
• Me: "I felt that the heirloom tomatoes were picked several hours too late, thus compromising the flavor the sauce served. Luckily they had unlimited breadsticks."
• Shawn: Exactly. Like, if you're that intense about it, try out for a food critic job somewhere. Better yet, become a chef. Derp. Yelp is the worst though. These people go on long-winded explanations about everything but the food, "Well we were a little late because my friend Jenny had lost her keys, so we waited outside for her, then when we were inside, the hostess was rude to us and had a stupid haircut..."
• Me: I think all restaurant reviews should be written in the style of Hemingway
• Shawn: I mean, you can talk about the "experience" but keep it to a minimum
• just pros and cons really; and with the food, just explain what you liked an didn't, that's all
• Me: That's why I never write restaurant reviews, taste is subjective
• Shawn: Yeah, music/food
• Me: "This tilapia brought to mind a trip I took with my parents, once. It was the summer of 1988. Bush was campaigning furiously and Dukakis was floundering. The radio was filled with hair metal and the threat of nuclear annihilation was as present as ever. Even so, that summer, I really didn't care. We hopped in the car one morning and started driving south, stopping only to fill up once as, slowly but surely, the gulf shore came into view outside the window. The back seat was my domain as my sister hadn't been born yet. A fort of quiet contemplation as my parents didn't listen to music all that often. I was able to really take in the drive and to cast some introspection regarding what I was to do on this vacation. Over a thousand miles from home, anything was possible..."
• Shawn: Dead. It's always sucky though when something you like, or something you've gotten into, as become super trendy. Always aggravating.
• Me: Spoken like a true hipster
• Shawn: Yup. It's a fact regardless.Not aggravating because a lot of people like it. Aggravating in the way that people/media perceive it as the hip/trendy thing to do/like. As though it can't be taken on it's own merits vs people liking it simply because it's popular, or it just get's played out like the first Maroon 5 album, haha. I genuinely liked them, loved that album, listened to it all the time. Then I heard the same songs 400000 times on the radio for like 3 years straight; can't listen to that album ever again. So on the one hand it's like, that's cool, people like them, they're popular, making money on the other, I can't listen to it, haha. Nymag always talks about bourbon being hipsterish. I'm like, "wtf," I've only recently gotten into bourbon in the last 2 years, I like it, I'm learning about it. Why is it hipster just because they serve it at bars in Brooklyn?????????? Ok, rant over.
• Me: Yikes
• Shawn: Well it was from reading all these restaurant reviews
• Me: Calling something hipster is the equivalent of saying "this is getting popular but I either do not like it nor understand it"